Cheater, cheater, Pumpkin eater

My Bubby used to say that to me when I would cheat at cards, or Monopoly, or Risk etc. Then she would let me get away with it...

I cheat on Weight Watchers. Or, more accurately, I am creating my own eating plan. Why? WW worked three times in the past - I lost about twenty pounds in 12 weeks each time. Why would I mess with the success?

The answer is that these diets were not truly successful. Exhibit one: I always gained the weight back (doh!). Exhibit two: I was HUNGRY. I couldn't wait for the diet to end. I was hungry and obsessed with my points and food and plans.

Here's the thing: 21 points is bullsh*t. A typical "on plan" day for me involved slowly eating a two-three point breakfast (3)... waiting, anticipating a mid-morning fruit (4)... worshiping a pathetic three-four point hummus or PB sandwich and another fruit (9)... watching the clock until I could eat my 1pm snack (11)... at this point my work day was effectively over because I was weak from hunger... 3pm cheese stick! (12)... 4pm FiberOne bar and snap peas/carrots (14)... 6pm "volume food" (think - a whole head of steamed cauliflower) (15)... chicken breast and salad for dinner (19)... popcorn/strawberries/2 squares of dark chocolate (21)...

Variations include 3-5 fruit/vege based points for my "goodies" and generally worked out about 45 minutes 5-6 days a week.

I think that WW would consider this a perfect day. Looking back, I can't quite figure out why I this wasn't workable for me. The one thing I know for sure was that this was crap. Total crap. I couldn't wait for the hours to go by - I wanted my days to finish faster because I was so hungry and obsessed. When I was hungry, I would eat a one-point snack - because there was NO leeway with 21 points - and then try to go for a short walk. I remember once walking home from work, dizzy and despairing because I only had 5 points left to my day.

On more than one occasion I took two NyQuil in order to induce an early sleep - so that I wouldn't eat.

Again, I don't know why 21 points works for others of my height and weight, while its a non-starter with me. It doesn't matter - it is time to study the data and make predictions about the future: if I stick with 21 points (even including the 35 weekly point allowance - yes, I ate those!), I will ultimately fail. Maybe it will be "great" for 12 weeks, maybe I can sleepwalk my way back to the 140s, or 130s... but it will never hold.

So, this time, I am a cheater cheater pumpkin eater.

Here is how I cheat. First, my base is 25-30 points a day. Plus my 35 weekly points. As my husband said, my problem is not the difference between a 30 point day. It's that I can frequently polish off 40-50 point days without a thought. So I now have somewhere between 25 and 30 points a day.

That's not all. NUTS DON'T COUNT. Huh? Nuts don't count. I eat a handful of almonds or pecans everyday, and I would estimate that should be about 4 points. I don't count them. Here's why: I would never, ever, ever never eat nuts if I counted them. My mind-body connection is not nearly sophisticated enough to be satisfied from 20 almonds. But nuts are so healthy, and satisfy something else in me - the need for non-refrigerated readily available finger food. I eat them standing up, in front of the computer, while I'm on the phone, the same way I would otherwise be eating potato chips or other crap.

Finally, I am not precise when it comes to dinner. We eat at home about 75% of the time. I cook healthily. Most meals I make are between 12-25 points in TOTAL. Maybe I eat half, maybe I don't. I generally leave myself 8 points for dinner, and let the pieces fall as they are.

Bottom line, I am probably adding an average of 10-14 points a day to my suggested Weight Watchers total. I feel like a human being - appropriately hungry and limited without the obsession and need to "get through" the week. I suspect that at some point the weight loss will stop, but until that happens...

I am a cheater. I cheat on my diet. It's how I would like to live my life.

The high hanging fruit

This is not my first time trying to lose weight. I have followed Atkins, and various low calorie diets since I was about 17. How many times have I joined Weight Watchers?

I'd say about once every two years, I go on a serious diet. In general, I lose about twenty pounds. Then I gain it all back. The best "diet" for me seems to be Weight Watchers, where I am strong for about 12 weeks. In fact, that is my record: 12 weeks.

As anyone who has followed WW (or any other reasonable health plan), you can't un-know what you know. Points values are seared into my soul, even when I am on a food tear, eating crappy food in the car on the way home from work to tide me over for dinner.

On one hand, that makes life easier now that I am trying to live a healthy life again. I have been through the routine before, I know the points, I know the score. But I think the downsides loom larger: first, I have the huge emotional obstacle of wondering why this time will be any different than other attempts. Second, I have grabbed the low hanging fruit, the "easy" substitutes and tips to incorporate in my life. I don't drink (much) soda - and NEVER non diet. I only buy whole wheat bread... and lots of fruits and veges... and drink 12 cups of water a day... (and eat too much, by the way)

I also work out ("move more"). Every day, or almost every day, cardio, conditioning, yoga. I've gone through the highs and lows of training for and finishing marathons and triathlons.

Great, right? Except that this means I have no tricks left up my sleeve - no 12-week successes because the weight won't come off quickly. The trick I must master this time is perseverance, consistency, patience. This is LIFE, not a summer weight loss experiment. It's a change in mind set that every successful weight loss tale begins with - "I realized that this wasn't a diet, but a new way of living." I am not there yet.

That's the reason the blog is named "high hanging fruit." I am reaching for the no-gimmick, real deal, life-changing healthy living plan. My goal is TIME, so I will view every weekly entry on this blog as the victory.

No more tricks. No more starving afternoons to hoard points for dinner. This is life, and I am searching for what works.

I hope I am still posting in 13 weeks. That's my first step.

Two workouts

I have a hate-hate relationship with running. I have done the training/race schedules for all sorts of distances. I have endured countless three mile maintenance runs. I have been faster and I have been slow (mostly slow).

I hate running. I dread it in the morning. I hate it while it is happening. And when it is finished, I start anticipating the next run.

People talk about runner's high, but I have never ever felt it. The closest I have come to a runner's high is "Ok, this is not so bad..."

Last night, my husband wanted to go for a run. It's been hot and humid for a bunch of days, and the weather suddenly got wonderful - a perfect pre-dinner cardio opportunity. After a few steps of jogging, I just stopped and walked instead. This has been happening a lot.

Over the next hour, I walked about four miles. And berated myself the whole time. This isn't cardio! This isn't really going to get you skinny!

That was one workout.

Today, I went to my favorite class with Natalie. She is a fabulous instructor and class is so unique. It is a standing cardio class with some dance, aerobics and lots of plies/squats. It is a tough hour.

Sometime in the middle of class, I felt my abs and soaz and hip flexors connecting. I have never felt that before. I always hear that these are connected in pilates classes, but I never felt it. It completely changed the class, and I feel great.

That was two workouts.

I like how I felt after the second workout - instead of fighting myself and my body with the running, I should be challenging and strengthening myself. I am contemplating taking a full break from running. What if I just stop? So what if I don't run the races?

Whoa. Wake up call!

Today we had a comedy of errors. I had been traveling for work over the past couple of weeks, and when I took a look at my calendar this morning I realized I hadn't updated my monthly birth control... for three weeks.

I checked again, and immediately went into CRAP mode. We weren't planning on having a kid for another year! I hadn't lost my pre-baby weight yet.

In any case, after scaring my husband at work, and googling "pregnancy" and other shenanigans, I discovered that I was looking at the wrong month. No worries. (that's what I texted my husband)

That same afternoon, I am starting my blog. I had intended to start a weight loss blog in any case, for fun and accountability... but the pregnancy scare makes it a little more urgent and fun. There is no better time than NOW to build habits that won't ruin my health or my kid-to-be's.

I like my old habits... but I am like health and vanity more. Here goes.